I remember the climb was the hardest thing.
Going down was actually easy, but the climb up made me cry. Everything in me wanted to stop. My back and knees hurt and my lungs burned with the effort to draw in air.
My skin was slick with sweat as I climbed up and I kept wishing for just one breath of air to crawl across my skin.
Looking down at myself, my all white outfit had patches of light beige dirt on it and my linen tote was banging against me.
Picture: Just arrived in NYC and heading towards Brooklyn I stopped, deeply asking myself what I was doing; what was I trying to prove anyway? That I was in shape? I definitely wasn't. That I was special? Jesus! The narcissism. That I could?
Then I heard the deep rumble inside the walls of the Great Pyramid around me; "Don't be afraid to become what you are meant to be."
THE JOURNEY BEGINS
I've always wanted to travel. And when I say that, I mean it completely and totally like everyone else that has ever said they want to travel.
I'm not going to act special here. I love the idea of standing on earth I will never live on but maybe did at one point in another life and experience it, fall in love with it.
I love eating different foods, meeting new people, hearing different perspectives and problems. I love going to all the places that everyone else has gone to and all the places no one goes to.
So, when I created my vision board of where I wanted to travel, pretty much everywhere was on it. In fact, I didn't even
specifically specify Egypt on the board I just Picture: Rameses II in Mephis Complex
wrote AFRICA in big letters.
Now, unlike others, I didn't write it from an ignorant place. I know Africa is a continent that is made up of over 50 countries that have native peoples of all shades, shapes, and cultures. They speak hundreds of languages and dialects and they have shaped the world in fashion and philosophy and its stories have not been told enough.
It is because of this knowledge that I wrote Africa. For me the continent is my bucket list. Each country from Eastern Ethiopia to the Western Ghana, from South Africa to Chad, I am endlessly fascinated with the people, the food, the clothing and I know in my soul that I will travel there a hundred times and it won't be enough.
So, I put it out there to the universe to lead me to Africa.
I placed no expectations on it, and I just believed that it was all going to work out.
And then in December of 2022, I began a spiritual business mentorship with my first spiritual mentor Nikki Novo. I will admit, I didn't have great expectations, but I was looking for community.
I found it, and through it, I was told about this epic trip to Egypt that one of the group, Kara, was going to go on. I was envious!
EGYPT! The seat of one of the greatest histories, one of the richest cultures, one of the most well-known countries in the world?! My jaw had drool coming down, metaphorically, throughout the entire conversation. When Kara said I should go, I felt my heart jump and then immediately drop. How was I going to be able to afford going to Egypt?
NOT GIVING A F*CK!
Picture: Me outside the Bent Pyramid
"THANK YOU CREDIT CARDS!"
That is exactly what I shouted in January when I clicked the "pay" link for 1500 euros. I very quickly found all my flights, I coordinated with Kara, who I was going to room with on the trip, and I just pushed myself every day to help my business thrive.
"Do you have everything you need?"
"Be safe!"
"Call me when you land!"
I know you are thinking these are all the things that my mom told her only daughter before she stepped on a plane to head to NYC then Paris then Egypt, a primarily Muslim country in a world that has a war on terrorism...
Yeaaaahhhhhhhhh. That's not my mom.
Instead, she shoved me towards the door and shouted, GO LIVE AND LEARN as she sped off. It's one of the best things about my mom. She has never coddled me and because of it I am strong and fierce and capable and excited about what is out there for me.
The doubt didn't come until much later.
Picture: Private time at the Sphinx
SPIRITUAL JOURNEYS
I've never been on a trip like this, so I had no expectations for it. Of course, I knew that I would love my roommate, I would learn new things, that I would meet amazing people, that I would grow in my faith and relationship with my Creator.
What I didn't know, that in 14 days I was going to have my world rocked, literally almost falling off a pyramid because my legs were shaking so hard from the massive vibrations coming up from the walls into my body as I literally heard it speak to me inside of my head and body. I didn't expect, needing to take a break, being really attracted to a number of people in the group, getting into arguments with my roommate, compromising so much I started calling it sacrificing, getting annoyed with "spiritual people", and realizing that I still have arrogance, envy, jealousy, anger, and superiority that I had to navigate.
What became abundantly clear was that even as a master healer, manifester and energy worker, I was still human. I learned that spiritual journeys aren't just the place you go, the group, or even the content of the trip. Spiritual journeys happen inside. So, while making pilgrimage to Mecca, Giza, Andes, or the Amazon among others is a spiritual experience just because of the place, what has become very clear is that the power of the place holds almost zero sway one way or the other.
For me, the changes that happened were a culmination of the work that I did before, the reading, breathwork, mediation, conversations with my higher self, and my guides. Without that prep work before, what I continued to do when I was there and what I have done since getting back, I would have been lost.
DEEP IN THE PYRAMID
"What?"
Silence. I turned around. I was alone in the great gallery climbing up to the King's chamber for the second stage of my initiation.
I was so tired and hot. My time in the Well had been so short and I was proud of myself when I ascended below heading to the King's chamber when I met up with a guide of ours who asked me if I had gone into the tunnel.
I looked at him and said, with pride welling in my chest, "I didn't need to spend a lot of time there. I conquered my fears a long time ago."
Picture: The Step Pyramid of Saqqara I hadn't been lying, but as I climbed, the dread of not what I had conquered but what I have yet to conquer, built in my chest.
INNER VOICES?!
Who am I? What am I trying to accomplish? What is the purpose of all of this? Do I deserve this? Am I worthy? What is the point? Who the f*ck am I?!
I had descended 80 meters into the pyramid and down into the Earth, faced Anubis, climbed back up 80 meters and now, halfway up a 77 meter climb I was losing my shit.
Tears are blocking my view and I am starting to hyperventilate. I am alone in the gallery and I'm slick with sweat from the lack of air movement that has gotten a bit better now that I am in the gallery, but my lungs are screaming, my heart pounding.
"Don't be afraid to become what you are meant to be." I heard again. The tears fell, rolling down my cheeks.
"I'm not important. I never have been. People don't, have never listened to me. I'm mean and ugly and I don't listen. I can't be meant for this life of teaching!" I screamed in my head and heart.
"Says whom?"
"What?"
"Says whom? the voice said. "We never said that. We don't know that to be true."
A profound understanding came over me in that moment. And, in that moment I resumed my climb. Reciting the quote by Jessica in Dune "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer. Fear is the little death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
Reaching the King's chamber, I collapsed Picture: Egyptian kitten at Karnak Temple Complex
and let the tears run. LuKa came up to me and placed two crystals in my hands, cleansed me with mist and placed a hand on my chest and chanted over me before walking me over to Ginger and the initiate sarcophagus. Laying down in that stone box that thousands of souls have laid in threw me out of my body and into the Cosmos.
In seconds I was watching my lives merging and interweaving with the people around me. I was experiencing my initiations across the Universe and the evolution of my soul. I felt my memory coalescing and my DNA cracking open.
All the lessons I had living inside of me was right at my fingertips. And then I felt a hand pulling me back.
Minutes, hours, what was truth? I climbed out of the sarcophagus and gathered my stuff and climbed back down to the Queens chamber just under the Grand Gallery. There I wrote and wrote and wrote, as much as I could get out of what I learned in those few precious minute hours (yes you read that correctly).
I stepped into the Grand Gallery again after I found stillness in my body and mind again and checked the time. I had made the climb, down below all the way up and become my higher self and only 1 hour and 15 minutes had passed.
A WORLD IN A GRAIN OF SAND
The desert is full of sand yes, but it's also full of rock. Rock that remembers. The stones of every pyramid, temple complex, and sarcophagus and tomb speak if you ask it and after my experience in the Great Pyramid, I couldn't help but hear them all.
The stories that those stones told, of triumph, pain, knowledge gained and lost, the people who made their mark, the souls that influenced and moved the needle.
After Giza, I couldn't tune them out. Every voice sang to me, and I listened and learned.
I learned from the Hathors at Dendera, I learned from Mary Magdalen and Mother Picture: Hathor representation at Abu Simbel Mary on the Island of Philae. I learned from Horus at Abydos, and I learned from the Pledian and Sirians still in the sarcophagi and walls of Saqqara.
To hear their wisdom and to remember the lives I lived there, in Atlantis, throughout the galaxy and feel the lessons merge themselves so deeply into my body was an experience like no other. I only hope that everyone can experience such beauty one day.
TOO LONG, NOT LONG ENOUGH
Fourteen days flew by. Private time in some of the most spectacular temples in Egypt had me so in touch with the Earth and myself but I also found that my human was rising too.
I don't know if you all are aware, but it is hot in Egypt. Like 80 and 90 degrees Fahrenheit and for a few days at the end, 100 and above. If you also don't know, I am a Minnesotan this lifetime. My physical blood has been trained to wok best at much lower temperatures.
My roommate and I couldn't have been more different and as I went through the days, my internal environment began to get angry. I wasn't Picture: Me at the Island of Philae
able to cool down and the last few days, I broke out in an intensely uncomfortable heat rash. I had to fight for one night of the AC at 65 degrees F (she slept great that night), and I had to take multiple cold, and I mean cold showers, to help my skin and my internal environment not overheat and cause me to get sick.
It became a point of contention with me and my roommate and while I love her as a soul, her and I made it very clear that we are terrible roommates for each other and if we ever travel somewhere together again, we will not be rooming together.
A JOURNEY JUST BEGINNING
I sat in the dark, floating down the Nile, with Venus, Mars and Saturn visible above me in the sky, surrounded by the souls gathered here on this journey taking a cosmic trip into the depths of ourselves. The trip is halfway over and we have traveled far. We have seen places that made me cry, places that rocked my soul in its brokenness, and laughed with people in my group, honoring them and their experience and the opportunity of having met them.
Music is playing and LuKa is chanting and guiding us asking us to turn to a brother or sister and say, "I am You, you are Me. I open my heart to you."
Turning, I find myself becoming hesitant. I don't mind hugs and I embrace my 'no bubble' attitude when it comes to people getting into my space. But what I have learned on this journey is that I am anything but bubble-less. In this moment I ask myself to honor me. To release my fear and resistance and just allow myself to be seen. Milos, a beautiful man who is equal parts kind and vain and insightful stood before me. I hugged him deeply.
Holding a person and letting yourself fall into the embrace and not feel threatened or have any expectations is a true gift. To simply be held and seen and cherished in a simple moment after a divine inner travel and transformation is something many in this Universe will fight to not experience because it is a level of vulnerability that they can't bring themselves to give to someone.
In that moment, I released my heart and found in him a safe place to rest. Breathing together, I found a peace in another person that I didn't think I could find and when it was time, we looked each other in the eyes and said thank you. Next up was a sister who brought tears to my eyes as she started crying in her release as I hugged her. Holding her, I was shown the healing power of open peace and belief. I have never felt more powerful.
WHERE HOME IS
Returning home is a strange feeling. The air was cooler, the traffic quieter, the smells milder, more earthy. The people less like home.
How does one reconcile having your world shattered and repaired into a new image only to find that new image is now being asked to once again fit in where it once did?
My very essence has become more than it was. I am more than I was. I am Horus, journeying towards Ra, becoming Ra-Horakty. To know this to be true, no longer holding the belief but the pure undiluted knowledge is a moment I can't begin to describe.
You move differently. I was moving.
Picture: Nefretari in Abu Simbel differently. And that movement was changing everything. My thoughts on the world, my beliefs and knowledge and my teachings. My dreams for myself were shifting and the work was needed to solidify those changes. Changes that are still occurring.
MY HOME IS THE COSMOS
I made it home after a full 24 hours of flying and being in airports. I was intensely ready to be in my own bed and continue the work that I was being called to do. What delights me is that every morning, the Magdalen still speaks to me. The Great Pyramid still counsels me. The Hathors still teach and supports me. I am reminded of who I have become every moment.
I am a thousand voices that speak of love and loss. I am a million atoms of light that reach for unity. I am the fear of billions that strive for the unachievably achievable. I am one small fragment of the cosmos and whole galaxies of infiniteness and effortless perfection. All this and more I am now tasked with teaching and showing the world. All because I walked among the Egyptians.
Picture: Me inside sarcophagus in the Valley of the Kings