You may know the movie where I borrowed the quote I used for the title of this post. The picture to the right is another clue.
Have you guessed it?
If you guessed Avatar you would be correct and you now know, if you didn't already, that I love movies and I am a self proclaimed nerd and proud of it.
Books, movies, music, they have always been my life lines. When I was tired of life, if I was lonely, if I was scared, these things made me feel less alone... more connected to myself and the Universe, Creator, and my purpose to do something spectacular with my life on my terms.
This is the beauty of books, movies, and music: Connection.
They give us what we are lacking in our physical world and in some ways becomes the realest thing we know.
Humans, in fact all creatures, on this planet and off, are hard wired for connection. For some, that connection needs to be all the time, all day long... we all know at least one person like this am I right!?
Okay that person is me, I shall not be shamed! :-D
For others, connection is needed infrequently but with high quality, for others, connection is more spiritual and intangible but just as real.
No matter what kind of connection you need or for how long or of what quality, we all need it. It is our one commonality and the need for it drives us to do some amazing, some crazy, and some not so thought out things and one thing is for sure, when the connection is disingenuous we know it and we don't tend to appreciate it.
As a nurse I have run into this more than once. A patient comes in, very much in their own world. They may be in pain or sad or simply not feeling well and they expect that I am going to care enough about them to create a connection with them. Looking at it logically, it makes sense. The more I connect, the safer a person feels and the more they trust me and my judgment as I help them to start feeling better. Cultivating this connection with patients is a super power let me tell you but unfortunately, I am not always Wonder Woman, some times I'm simply Abigail, a human with human emotions and struggles and sometimes I get too caught up in my own BS to pay any attention to how I am being perceived. In the time it takes for me to say, "Hi, my name is Abigail and I'm your nurse this evening. What brings you in?" The person already knows I am not at my best and their attitude tends to reflect my lack of connection with them and what is happening to them.
For a long time I spent more time looking at situations like this from the victim perspective.
Why is it my job to make people feel comfortable?
Why can't they just understand that I'm human too?
Why should I be held to a higher standard than the rest of the world?
Why me?
These questions are some you may have asked yourself regardless of your occupation. Parents ask this when their children or partner notices a disconnect. Bosses ask this when their workers notice a disconnect.
Workers ask it when customers notice a disconnect.
Connection is the thing that we all seek and when we believe we deserve it and we don't get it it is hard for us to shift our perspective and see it from a different angle. The day that I realized that I needed to stop asking "Why" and shift my perspective to myself, my world changed.
Instead of asking why me, I started asking,
What can I do to be more understanding?
What am I missing that will change my understanding of this situation or conversation?
How can I listen better and therefore get respect and give compassion to others?
I know, I know, you all are thinking, "Abigail, that's a lot of work!" LOL!
Yes it is but I will tell you a secret, this work gives you the ultimate reward! Better than millions of dollars, better than multiple orgasms, better than a trip to the Maldives!
That's right! You guessed it, a fool proof plan to ultimate connection!
I'm serious, connection is the ultimate reward. Remember at the beginning when I said that we are all hardwired for connection, physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Well I wasn't kidding. And if you look at that kick ass list of amazing things I mentioned, the money, the sex, the vacations, all of them need connection to happen. Connection to others AND connection to ourselves.
And it does take work. It takes being willing to ask the hard questions and it takes being open to feedback. It takes knowing who you are at your core so that you can tell others what is okay with you and what's not okay with you. It takes being brave enough to be vulnerable and realize that you aren't going to get it right every time but it doesn't make you less worthy. It takes being willing to hear some hard things and be willing to take responsibility for the only thing you are truly responsible and in control of, yourself. And finally it takes realizing and being grateful for what a gift this all is, this life, these lessons, this chance to learn better, be better and make the world better with us.
This is radical acceptance and self love. This is radical self care. This work is vital to us attaining our dreams and our goals. It is vital to allow us to be good parents, spouses, partners, friends, coworkers, customers, healers, and teachers. Hell, it's vital for us to be bloody spectacular humans!
So I guess now the only question left to ask is, what can you do to strengthen your connections?
Thanks for reading Friend!
Yours,
Abigail
If you or someone you know is in need of guidance around connection, head to breathoflifellc.com and check out my 1 on 1 mentorship program "Breaking Chains & Finding Purpose'. This 6 month mentorship program is one of the juiciest ways to learn, find, cultivate, and nurture our connections to those in our lives, ourselves and the divine in us all. You can also contact me with questions on Instagram @breathoflife_healer or respond to this email.